things what I writ

the knife

no no no! not the knife! rub rub rub. go on. 64%, dammit! rub rub rub. again. 49%. 64%. 98%. no! dammit! rub rub rub, but the other way round and from the middle to the edge for good luck. last chance. 11, 48, 70, 98. let’s see. dammit! bloody libraries.

I just went through 2 hours to get to that and I was there, back in the bowl in the pouring rain with ship arriving too late to save a drowning witch painted on my rucksack and peter already missing his spot in the middle of the cage in 1982 and I was just about to close the blind and wallow in that closing 4:30 when you have to go skipping like a demented schoolgirl all over the shop. I’ll have to go and purchase something illegal from Korea now to make up for it.

rude awakening

cashback

go on Andy, lend us a tenner. you can say that Jen lent it to me and then she can get 1 pound 75 back. hang on, boiled sweet. ALERT!

it is reminding of customer that not to be leaving VALUABLES as of your coat is hanging up here in order to not be our reponse if it is being the stolen it being at the risk of the CUSTOMER to ensure whether you will taking risk thereof: LOCAL police informing.

it’s not a headset. yes it is. no it isn’t. yes it is. no it isn’t. yes it is.

fake tales of manitou springs

pikes peak 6
pikes peak 1 by Tim Caynes

I walked. no I didn’t. I got on that cog railway and sat next to Bob from Canada who was in Colorado visiting his half brother JD who he only realized was alive because he came across him on the internet via his wife who was related to him via his other mother or something. I said it’s a small world, and I’m from the other side of it. we were full to the brim as the red boxes cogged up the incline and even though I spent the first 30 minutes bemoaning the fact that I ended up on the 2-seat side which sticks to the side of the mountain, eventually I chilled out. literally. we slid the windows up as we approached the halfway point, but not before I’d done my obligatory sticking my upper torso out the window when you’re not supposed to thing and taken a couple of pictures of a place where you can sometimes see goats but they’re at home today fixing up their shed.

when we got to the summit we were allowed 40 minutes to stumble around in the snow, waiting for a gap in the cloud, before we had to head back down again because fat people at 14000 feet have a tendency to drop dead after about 45 minutes. I spent most of that time stumbling around in the snow, waiting for a gap in the cloud, but also managed to slip down a bank next to the railway while taking a picture of a red truck and plaster a thick layer of frozen clay over my backside which I spent the next 10 minutes trying to wipe off without bringing attention to myself even though it was like trying to push wet flour across a tablecloth and so in the end I just went to the toilet block to wash caked mud from my frozen hands and the water felt like it was boiling my skin and I ended up leaving a trail of clay all the way back down anyway and my coat is still brown at the bottom.

I’d recommend it to anyone.

that tree is big

I like that one. I shall fly over there right now. here I go. ooh, that was nice. look at these leaves. they’re all turning. I was only telling her the other day that you know, it’s november and all this is green, like we’ve lost all sense of what if means to be temperate. I think I lost her then, but don’t you think it’s a very strange thing when you can no longer tell when we should be somewhere else just by looking around? there must be thousands of us up here, just waiting for something happen, but what if it doesn’t? I mean, what if nothing changes this year and we’re still up here in january? well, I don’t know either, but it is kind of interesting to think about it, don’t you think? excuse me a second. ooh, that wasn’t pleasant. he’ll not leave it there anymore, eh? hahahaha!

you see that sign down there? what do you think? it looks a bit precarious and I saw it blowing around a bit in the wind yesterday but I think I can do 30 seconds on there. yes? ok, hang on a minute, just let that woman with the dog go past. right. the chill air races through your pathetic little body as you line up the top edge with your nose, twitching your head from side to side and throwing your feet forwards, ready to grab and scrape and flap yourself to a halt. but you mess it up and you do that embarrassing lunge as you deparately claw at the white plastic before sliding unceremoniously into the roses, and then stumble to the roadside, with that indignant, petulant look on your face, your head bobbing around like a demented newton’s cradle, and you’re so busy pretending everything’s alright really, that you don’t notice the mini cooper that’s just slighlty nearer the curb than you’re used to, but alas, it’s too late now, as the speeding nearside wheel crushes the life out of you in a giblety mess, which will get spread across the tarmac, slowly and surely, over the next few hours, by the next few wheels, on the next few honda civics and renault lagunas, as I watch from the window as I’m pretending to work after I just did that little shudder and contorted my face away from the scene as your bones cracked but now I’m more interested in the round corners problem on the microsite so I won’t remember you until I’m putting brownie gear in the car later and somebody steps on your head by accident.

blue yellow green orange

but that’s not unexpected it’s just that I like to be able to kill stuff and this one won’t let me like it’s taken over everything and is refusing to lay down while I poke my huge stick in it’s shiny head to see what comes out except there’s nothing there at least you have to dig really deep just to get back to where you were with the old one so I guess it’s a bonus that you can now have more than one but you know we’ve been doing that for years so how come that’s quite such a feature I mean we didn’t just crawl out of a brown bucket and discover sponges did we.

I just want to add my own thank you. go on. let me. I’ll give you a sausage and an inflatable monkey if I can flip the lid and just dangle my fob in there a couple of seconds to scoop up some of that pie and see where the joins are. it won’t hurt. mmm. that’s not supposed to look like that. oh, it doesn’t. you’re alright then! but you’re still too slow. it’s like symbian or something dammit.

mutual friend

packed full of highlights but it was that one that drove it home – it is worth shelling out that much money to go and stand there when you’re not really sure what’s going on but you know you’re expecting something and it’s at that point that even though there is room to swing a cat in the woodshed it’s all been worthwhile and you don’t know it yet, but you’ll be home in time to see that bloke off dragon’s den talking to jeremy paxman about malawi so even better.

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