one long pair of eyes

September 21, 2007

would that I be bound for barrack street but there’s too much of me to go around and I have some lifting to do in the please allow me to introduce myself department. so instead I’m slatting down heigham rud with a scenic full of clart headed for citycare towers wherepon the st petersburg of the north west awaits with a tractor and a shovelful of whiff. on any given sunday its possible to identify 17 species of grass from your car window as you crawl into the chamber of 2 doors as half of costessey pass by grunting under the weight of manky carpets and old fridges that they did actually bring in the back of their sierra but they can’t be bothered to wait in the queue. I saw a 5 year old carrying a bin bag full of magazines up the road past ace waste the other week getting slapped up the ankles because she wasn’t carrying fast enough. I turned the radio up and saw a vole run under the wheels of a nissan terrano. then a huge balloon crashed into the wensum and the lights went out in langleys who coincidentally were giving away spelling tests for under 8s which was about right but we already had ‘accept’ and ‘except’ so just took a sylvanian family off the shelf and legged it up the castle where we lobbed them down the mound like they were paratrooping neil and christine hamilton.

steam doesn’t start again if you restart it. you have to start it again. there’s hundreds of way you can get it, but its not the one you get that kills you its the one after that so I’m still deciding which way my money’s going although I know that’s a very good cause but I’m not deciding while you’re stood on my doorstep if you’re not prepared to leave anything for me I can’t decide can I but I already give a lot away each month I’m choosing wisely I’ve got to go up to tip later it can happen to anyone 2 pound a month it is happening thankyou.

there goes the ambulance

September 20, 2007

there’s a queue up the road which means I’ve missed the ambulance. you’d think the newsagent down unthank road would have a copy of GQ to take up the hospital while the bones are being oiled, but as I’m fingering around between ‘large ladies’ and ‘inevitable juxtapositions’ up on that very high shelf I’m beginning to think its just not there. there’s nuts, but I don’t think it would be appropriate. I’m even tempted to have a quick marie clare and be done with it, but I’ve spent so long on this shelf now that I’m thinking I might have to actually buy something from it. curiously, model train making is up here, but I can’t bring myself to cough for that, so as a bead of sweat rolls down my forehead and I’m jangling the change in my pocket, I pick up a copy of ‘grunt’ and head over to the counter…

not really, of course. I went up the co-op and they had GQ in there, but by the time I’d queued behind the man with a vegetable and a switch card and then legged it back up the road, a pickfords van was poking into the carriageway and there was a sizeable pile up back up to the elms. better run. too late. as I turn the corner, the ambulance is pulling away and I can just about make the handle of the wheelchair through the back window. I kind of wave a bit, but it doesn’t really mean anything and a deviant in a polo gives me a brow-furrowed grin which makes me trip over my own stupidness.

everything was alright though, even though they were a bit surly about lifting it down the stair. its health and safety gone mad or something. I’ll go back later and spend 4 hours getting 2 computers to talk to each other but in the meantime I’ve eaten too much birthday cake and so I’m just sitting here until I shrink.

I’m from barcelona

September 19, 2007

while two heads were as good as one I wandered wearily through the back of the cultural quarter past reclaimed tv studios and old kebabs there was a sniff of arcade fire although only 27 people were witness. a man from london town squawked in tune and had polite guitaring reflects in his glasses which were thick and heavy with the age of twenty but he’s good, hint he. by the time we’d scratched together about a hundred of us, they were tying balloons to mic stands as we were mysteriously clouded by diagonal hair and man bags from the metropolis. I was almost anticipating

avoiding the inevitable comparison with the fire, they were a bit like the fire, except they didn’t have wasps in their trousers and faces like the revolution. in fact, they had faces like the magic roundabout. in particularly, the man with the pink air bed crowd-surfing into security had a face exactly like the organ player at the end of the magic roundabout and everything. also, they didn’t sing about northern hemisphere middle class angst scenario back catalogue art rock student philisophy, but they sang about chicken pox. in fact there wasn’t really much comparison, except there were about eleven of them, which, at the waterfront, is like a telephone box trick (smile if you’re over 30, oh, you all are) and all the song sounded the same. most impressively of all, by the end, they had those there present all baying like a pack of mad pigeons for more for a full 3 minutes, which, in norwich, is as rare as 5 fingers, after which they encored straight into a laptop dj set which had 79 people in a circular conga (I was kind of wanting to leave by then, but I had to wait until someone fell over a crisp).

I’m off to the amazon when I collapse my spreadsheet. tiny cracks.

supereminence

September 18, 2007

after reaching critical mass on distractions and not having enough money to buy a new smashing pumpkins cd we all need a bit of direction to get us back onto the treadmill that we’d inadvertently stepped off while we went looking for a pie. many times I’ve entered ‘spatula’ into google just to see what happens and then taken a life-changing decision based on a recipe for drizzle cake which normally involves going down the road and getting a paper but its small steps that change things – you don’t have to have a terrible year, although that helps.

I can occasionally seek out some hidden meaning in a the way I trip over a pile of school shoes at the bottom of the stairs or forget to let the guinea pigs out but in general the path that leads me is pretty short say, about 12 inches from my face to the screen. sometimes just looking out the window is life-changing enough. I have to move my head and everything. and sometimes there’s somebody walking past. with a dog. I saw 2 dogs once and they were barking. that kept me going for a couple of weeks.

so, how serendipitous that we should receive a plastic helicopter from china. within and without the packaging are the very words which have shown me the way the truth and light and my chosen path is now bedecked with flowers of eternal hope and lit by the effusive glow of a million sparks of imagination. its not much, but within the blue border and tabulated for clarity, the lord god almighty of slave labour spake thus onto me:

MOST NEW CATENA
TO BE HIGHLY PRAISED AND APPRECIALED BY CONSUMING PUBLIC.
TO ADOPT ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY.
TO ASSURE YEARS OF TROUBLE-FREE.
HANDSOME APPEARANCE.
SIMULATING A TRUE STYLE
SUPEREMINENCE

never a truer word has been spoke. I have no idea what catena might be, but its just right for me. and its most new, which is a bonus. I say this catena to myself everyday now as I flagelate myself with a copy of custom PC and praise the coal burners of the orient. I think I’ve reached my epiphany.

sleater-kinney presentation

September 12, 2007

I got that new template the other day which is a bit like the old template except now you can have multiple curves because that’s what’s there and insert picture from file here its some beach huts in southwold but it doesn’t matter copyright on brand I think. now I have to add another orange box which is fine but I rather liked the symmetry of those four across the middle but hey five is just as nice in fact it breaks up the three below in green marvellous (red underline?). can’t really understand why the spell checker thinks a block of text on a box only has one word though when there’s clearly seventeen. I’ll happily put an ampersand in there but spell out twelve numbers, yes, its a style I’ve been doing it for 15 years & I’m happy with it and I’m not going to change it now

only speaker notes. I’ll make the font bigger so it lasts longer. everything in hare 50 pee.

by the time its gone into the collabspace (red underline) I’ll have grown my hair back. the revised version is here if you have any questions let me know it occurs to me that in the current context the expectation is pretty low it doesn’t really matter how far we go. on the way back we talked about everything and so now it’ll end up in arial 24 but nobody will know because you stripped out the meaning which is perfect you can’t fail basis of mediocrity but look you’re still there you can hide forever if he can do it and still progress to that level there’s hope for all of us remaining just where we are I’ll do that forever there’s 2 minutes of this outro.

all that glitters ain’t gold

surprisingly productive in loserville

September 11, 2007

stop it. stop looking over my shoulder. go on, you’ve got a nice macbook you don’t need to peer at my ferrari while I’m creating this unimpressive community presentation for a meeting on thursday. you must have something more exciting to do like twitter or facebook or something. maybe you’re updating records in the british museum or something with your brain the size of a planet. oops, didn’t know you had company.

hoofed out of the office by the wholesale replacement of our electrical supply, I’m suddenly in need of internet access as I actually have something I need to do for work which actually can’t wait because I’ve left it to the last last last minute this time notwithstanding the fact that I spend most of my time these day just propping things up. I have my haircut. I take my laptop out. I sit in the forum cafe and actually write a presentation. I mean, I’d never get around to it at home. I’d be uploading laughable photos of my own head or something while I’m supposed to be working, but here, I can’t really do anything quite so ridiculous, as most of cafe marzano are sat watching me because they can’t quite believe how ostentatious my laptop is and what an idiot I must be. they’re even looking as I write this, so I’ve made the font really small so I don’t really know what I’m saying, but that’s no different to normal, of course. what is surprising me, however, is that this is quite a pleasant experience and that I’m quite productive. I’ll have another americano in a minute and lose it completely, but until then, I feel another email coming on

norwich has the largest open free wireless network in the world or something, so it’s about time I used it. I’m going to sit on the caste mound tomorrow and do a little parcour while I’m waiting for the collabspace to upload something I just made up. I’ve got backache. these chairs are horrible. I can’t get a coffee because I can’t leave my laptop. that person is annoying. you, you’re really distracting. get off your phone. stop tapping your foot. and slapping you thighs. YOU. GO AWAY.

hope the electrics are back on soon.

things what I writ

one long pair of eyes

there goes the ambulance

I’m from barcelona

supereminence

sleater-kinney presentation

surprisingly productive in loserville

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things what I writ

one long pair of eyes

there goes the ambulance

I’m from barcelona

supereminence

sleater-kinney presentation

surprisingly productive in loserville

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