things what I writ

do I understand DNS?

December 12, 2008

no. I don’t get it. I went on the network administration course and everything but I still can’t map one domain to another with all that A and CNAME stuff. I can’t even understand the help I read when I’m looking for help that I can’t even find because I don’t even know how to ask for it. well, that’s not strictly true. I can at least type “DNS CNAME map domain not redirect or forward my head hurts” into google and trawl through a million self-proclaimed experts with hello world paint shop pro banners who will proceed to enlighten me in such a way that they obviously understand what they’re talking about themselves but I still have no idea even after reading it a few time and mentally underlining the bits that look relevant so I can come back to them when I understand a bit more which I never do so it’s pointless. I do know now that if you’ve been in a marketing organization longer than you’ve been in a service organization you are officially too stupid to work things out for yourself anymore and the preferred method is to ask somebody who does know what they’re doing how much it will cost if they do it for you at which point they see from the way you’ve written and signed your email that you’re in marketing and so it’ll immediately cost double the number they first thought of. which, in this case, means I should have just got the domain through the service that can configure the DNS for me for free instead of buying it from my regular domain broker and then trying to use a control panel from 1994 to tweak IPs and stuff. and then waiting for a day to see that you’re in no better state than you were yesterday and you don’t have any idea why not. its a bit like playing mastermind with someone but walking between each other’s houses 15 miles apart between each move to see if you’ve learned anything.

don’t offer to help. I like the pain.

poke that in your eye

December 11, 2008

let me just talk over you for a moment you’re not understanding what I’m saying there’s a time and a place for that placation but blow down a melon if that’s not right here now today we need to blart quite clearly lest we’re tripping over the outstretched tongues of tousled falcons with mouse trap retorts. it’s good that you’ve dropped to your knees and prostrate your miserable little pencil at the bison farm but what I need right here right now today is actionable clap magnets for genies. there’s no other way.

yesterday you thought it was a good idea to slip an organic pastureful of careening witch cattle unto the storage boxes. you’ll regret that later.

not even a banner graphic

December 10, 2008

Its photo, as in photos, and opacity, like the opacity of layers in photoshop. You see what I did there. I put them together to suggest a kind of theme for what this blog is about. I see you’re not convinced. An actual fact, photopacity.com was available and I’d run out of ideas for 2 word combinations that suggested a theme of photography, photoshop and disk space. Or something like that.

I’ll start by saying that I’ve never used the sponge or the thing that looks like a pin. Is that dodge? Or burn? I mean, I’ve dodged and burned I think, I’ve just not done it using those tools. Since I first started using photoshop at version 2, which was a glorious port to the Solaris operating system running on what was probably a Sun Sparcstation 1+ or something, I’ve been making it up as I go along. Before layers, you learned pretty quickly that if you didn’t save backup copies of each file every 10 minutes, you might as well just bang your head against a wall at the beginning, to save time later. With layers and layer masks you soon learned that, after peeling your eyes of the screen following a 4-hour hand-trace of a goldfish with a 13 pixel soft brush, all your hand-traced masks are rubbish. By the time I get to grips with CS4, I’ll have learned about 30% of what CS3 can do. Which is 50% of what CS1 could do. And about 300% of what photoshop 2 could do. I think that means I’m using about 10% of photoshop functionality, but, as will hopefully become clear as I blart these incomprehensible gobbets of technobile, I think that’s all I need.

As for digital photography, I can safely say I have almost completely no idea what I’m doing, but I know how to point a camera in the right direction. I sometime take the lens cap off etc…

you must restart your computer

December 10, 2008
street 1
street 1 by Tim Caynes

look at that. its a minor miracle that I’m not bothered by rampaging elephant bots trampling my fingers into the keyboard of phish where the dropped mangle of pirate bay galapagos mouse traps wait for silver surfing junglists to bomb out on the mysterious marketplace. it is confusing that you looked for that there but it came from there at twice the price where its all in the same place and look its even got the same name on it but its not the same is it know that so do you but she doesn’t I admit that’s confusing oh yes but you learn from that don’t you? man, those boots are 1981.

building a little wall with the effervescent support of the redmond auto plug whence I’ve loaded every application know to man and logged in via vpn to be told that if you really want to update the last 47 bits in the remote pinball wizard manager then everything must change and now its your fault you asked us to do this it doesn’t matter that its not related to anything I can’t change a light bulb without going out the front door and coming back in again that’s just the way it is look at my big pointy stick I’ll poke you with it every minute. in the eye.

is there anything more annoying that getting a crackle in your socket the day after warranty? I don’t think so.

it’ll never last

December 6, 2008
york 4
york 4 by Tim Caynes

crashing ungainly into the enemy were it but a slip of the brittle then we’d never have another country. sat brooding when you didn’t ask the question you mention but recount a day when there was too much to say between the fingers of concensus to crash on the beach like a soon to be exploded whale you can’t walk around it you can’t get inside it you can’t grok it so here’s what we’ll do I’ve changed the label nobody will notice. oh.

just past twitchy you succumb to a numb vacant stare into which a folded envelope creeps, winking vegetables. there’s just not enough time in the day is there? apparently not see you later if you want to yes I will. I did html. it had macros in it. I took it back and the man said because I’d got it from a book I was ineligible. it took me so long to spell it that he slipped out the back and slapped a fish with the evening news.

hammers

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