things what I writ

just having a quick shiraz

December 21, 2005

I mean, I thought it would likely be just me and theee flapping about nepal and the 60s but in the end it was a couple of hours surrounded by great and good and miss roberts and miss wood although I never actually broke away from my diatribe about the expidiency of home improvement and whether the front room and the back room are offset and so only one on each side is actually over the back passage because the architect thinks they’re different sizes which might explain the dogs but the walls between are not the walls within and so its still an apneoa to us. I really should have made an introduction but for the haze of marlboro lights in lieu of silk cut which means I have to hang my clothes outside that I’m supposed to be wearing tomorrow from yesterday whereas today it all up in the air because alice is booked and the city is full so I’m guessing that the afternoon will be tanking and the evening will be baking but tonight will be mardling.

tomorrow its mushroom a la crondall and so I’m keeping an open neck

take those elephant ears out

December 20, 2005

its just a tidy up job really as we just don’t have time to get to it and frankly we don’t have any idea what we’re doing when we get there. that’s why we lopped off all the good stuff in a fit of pique and left behind those horrible scrawny things that we want you to sort out. right, so take that down to there, take those out completely, get rid of that, do whatever you want to there, and take those elephant ears out and stick those dead rabbits in and we’ll see if it flies. in the meantime, I’ll be drawing the blinds and listening out for falling bricks and lime mortar as you rip the creepers from our frontage and say hello to the neighbours from the roof.

as the guttering collapses and swings across the office window, small and previously thought extinct animals drop to the flagstone and splatter across the lawn, while a barrage of tits careen into the chimney stack as their portakabin flies across the wall into the path of a nissan micra. from the undergrowth, an army of lemmings appears and runs to M&Ms where they throw themselves into the freezer blades, as a bearded ecology student reaches for a ginsters and a chocolate milk. elsewhere, a tortoise from 1947 wakes up in the shrubbery just in time to be clattered by a stanley that’s taking out the stumps. having sought sanctuary in the hutch, next door’s dog is simpering away like a mule as it witnesses the carnage from between the cracks in a tarpaulin.

6 hours of this at 12 quid an hour and then its off to cambridge to tend to the folk festival. I can see your house from here.

you don’t need this disease

December 19, 2005

everything has reached critical mass in the upstairs department and the screws are lying in the trough. just one hanging on the wall and the oversized square one languishing around my feet as I try and wheelie over the double-sided christmas cards to where the telecaster is gathering dust by the city hall and the roger mcgough parcels. I expect that if we ever get to open the white one then the teeny bits inside will flagrantly implode like the bad tangerines in the fireplace, where a half-eaten pie has finally seen the light. If I had a car I’d drive over to the beer garden and gently scrape the key down the black slk while mrs horse is dumping the gravy into the orange monster.

gonna go to jeremy’s tomorrow night and then we’re off to the playhouse where andrew will laugh like a well-travelled hyena for 2 hours and the massed middle classes will trip over the contradiction of charity and chavity but ah well, it’s christmas, so we can have a sensibility day off. as long as he doesn’t do that one with the girl from yarmouth too often. after that, crondall will suffer the consequences and I might even stay overnight like some edwardian coachman in the cellar, conversing with the staff, hoping helen mirren pops out of the kitchen with an egg whisk and a stern looking brow, wiping her hands on the corner of her apron and flashing a boot.

but for now, it’s the lamb lies down on broadway and a small matter of business requirements before I get the scenic down anglian autos to be told that negative tread on the radials is actually illegal and you can’t even go to tescos without stumping up 200 big ones for 4 cross-plys or something that sound like I should actually get it from homebase and be making those shelves in the office with it. I’ll probably just nip to the city and hang about a bit.

swans are evil

December 16, 2005

ce n’est pas a trifle, but they look at you like you stood in their custard and then about 20 of them gather around your duffers and spit venomous bile at your frontage, as if you’re about as welcome as an extended license at the black horse, speaking of which, they have that look as well, which spakes of buckets of affrontary

as vvt says, its all of them

all wrapped up the same

December 14, 2005

drumming fingers on the desk like a deranged ape until I get the message back from the castle that everything is ok with the contact sheets and we can go ahead with the industrial scale printing operations and then get the scissors out and pluck out each little face in a 3:2 aspect ratio and squash them onto some 1000 gsm from the dodgy stationers on dereham road where nobody ever goes and then a few sigs later and we’re all off to the post office at earlham house, fighting through the tissues and pensions and switch cards until its all done for another year and next year we’ll start doing it earlier like we said we would last year and the year before that and the year before that and the year before that when we first had the idea but we had to do it at work where the printers never worked anyway and you had to wait until midnight and nobody else was around before you found the single colour printer in south east england with colour ink in and then even the cleaners were looking at you funny so you pretended it was a presentation with joke slides in which you used to do when clip art faces had no features and nobody cared what you said anyway like they still don’t but now you’ve got your own printer but you’re still doing it for somebody else when you should be poking through house of fraser getting everything you should have got last weekend when it was all about dancing instead but don’t worry because deborah hasn’t even started yet and the butcher has already sold out like a reverent al green andalucia red yellow red yellow etc.

I guess they’re in a meeting about storage heaters or something.

index schmindex

December 13, 2005

so that means you have a list of things that you can do something with like we can take it and then we have to put it through the rules that make it come out the other end as something else. or its actually just a catalogue of things that we can use to build other lists of things that we can use to just describe what we’ve got and then work out what we do with it. but really its a database of mutiple indexes that just describe everything that’s out there which mean we can query it in multiple ways to generate results that are relevant across different experiences. but perhaps we don’t have to do anyting with it, but we don’t know that yet because we don’t know what’s in it because we can’t build it because we don’t know what’s out there because we don’t know what the user experience is and that might be redundant because its about the content but we don’t actually need to do any localization because that’s a different kind of index. right?

well that’s the kind of question we need to be looking at and we know that there are inconsistencies and anomolies but we don’t know what they are because we don’t know where they are even though we know what they are there because I think we own the strategy on that and so of course its on our roadmap I just don’t have the roadmap right now, it’s in the index.

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