things what I writ

corporate meetings for beginners

July 26, 2007

You just click on you name an then go to that menu on the left. no, the top. Hang on… So, I select my name, right and what? Go to the menu and select ‘make me great’. I don’t have that option. Oh. No. Wait. I need to make you great so you can share your greatness. Wait a minute here… Ok, you should be great now. Well, I have a circle next to my name, does that make me great? Erm, I think so. Try to do something great. Ok, what like? Try sharing your greatness with the rest of us. Ok, hang on, share…um…greatness! Right. Do you see my greatness. Oh, no, wait. I’ve got a popup. It says I can’t be great because its not my meeting. You need to make it my meeting before I can share my greatness. Is yours still there? No, its downloading an update of itself. Oh, right, so what about you? It rebooted my computer. Oh. Do you own the meeting yet? Um…well..I have a square next to my name now. Not a circle? No, a square – with a circle in it. What colour is the circle? Its blue. And the square? That’s blue as well. What? And the circle is inside the square? Yeah. Never mind. Do you see greatness on the menu now. Hello? Are you there? I think they’ve gone. Hell – Hello? Sorry, I was on mute hahaha. Ok, it says I now own the meeting and so I’m going to share…greatness! Ok. Go! Right. And now I see your desktop, is that right? No, we should see yours. Well, I can see mine. Yes, but that’s your desktop. That’s behind the share app. What share app? The one you’re trying to share your greatness with. OOHH. I SEE! Right, wait, I get it now. Hang on..

click. click click click. taptaptap tappy tap tap. click….

click. tap tap tap tap tap tapapapapa tap tap tap. click……..click.

Oh. Um. Its asking me to download version 3.0.0.12.3. I can’t share my greatness with this version. It says it will only take 30 seconds. Wait a sec…

click. click. 7 minutes life vacuum.

Ok. I have to reboot to finish the installation. Is there another agenda item that we can go to while I get this working? I’m really sorry. I’m not really very familiar with this application. Ok, well, we’ll move on to the next item and come back to you when you have th – BEEP BEEP BEEP. What? Hello? Oh. I think we lost her. Right. Ok. Never mind. Let’s move on to the next item in the agenda, which iiis….let’s see…yes. Video conference with Singapore and the UK. Let’s see, we’ve got 5 minutes left, so let’s go ahead and try the video. Does everyone know where the video conference room is? Right, its in building 7. You just go out the lobby, get in your car and drive to building 94 and it’s on the second floor. The room’s called ‘Ozark Mountain Daredevils’ or something.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

save the incomprehensible

July 26, 2007

no longer enormous manged diatribes at bits of rearranged magnets but an altogether calmer and more serene outlook. With capitalisation. And punctuation, maybe. I can add some verbs and conjunctives in all the right places and then we’ll have a party.

But don’t get excited. I have no idea what to do in this case. I expect I shall fall over the lip of banality and consume myself, but I won’t be very tasty. Still – not for me to say. There’s about 7 of me. Take your pick. One of me tastes like chicken. In fact, all of me does, but some are more headless than others.

july shutdown

July 17, 2007

this will go normal after July. then from onward only will it be a spider mashup at the alternate bucket that is over there. you might have tied some string to your finger or mangled a cantaloupe into the kitchen drawer but if any unpleasantries still linger and you’re not the auntie you think you are it will be time to switch. I mean, it’ll be cached for, like, eveeer, right, but the roller delete button will be pinged for your pleasure.

I don’t get it.

sectarian iphone fantasist channel

June 29, 2007

get me down the frag factory and they’ll be blurting out ganzs until a fat controller spins on a pin in the back garden. until then, have a large tetrahedron and let bloggers unite on the plains of drivel where I stand clench-fisted with my spear of destiny and a bag of organic carrots for the guineas pigs they’ve not been out today bless em.

everything is twice. it will only be here in a week or so. if you had the misfortune to stumble and trip on an RSS feed or bookmarkerlet for this, best forget them and cough for that.

did I say?

June 27, 2007

I’m all proper and wrong at the same time. take your pick. pick the wrong one. this one will self destruct in five entries and I’ll be chasing scientologits around the garden with a wet spade and chicken curry. sandals are cryptic. they’re from sasland. have you seen Magnolia? I’m the guy with big glasses who can’t come to terms with his 15 minutes of childhood fame except I missed the 15 minutes of childhood fame bit. oh dear. oh dear. oh dear…

subscribe! go on! I’ve never been so understandable! first 30 days free! prescriptin wiating drugst Ore canadian RX! v1agr4 price wot U love!

look, over there

June 26, 2007

it’ll be gone before you know it. subscribe now. free offer. two for the price of one. drivel mechanics for non-linear accelerants unite in platitude attack on policy statements. it’s not in order. take your ball and go play in your own street, I’ve had enough of you here. go on, and take that stupid friend with you.

still low dollar for canadian prescription RX intestate gambol crank. retooling for fy08. get out.

here instead

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