just past mid-point of a globalizationfest and I’ve stuck a pin in the calendar at May 30. we’ll have China and Japan and Taiwan and Korea and Hong Kong and Asia South and, oh, Russia and the Netherlands. if I could stop flapping about in my Panasonics, nodding dementedly to the dust brothers, I could probably also get all the menus fully qualified on search for all 37 sites and make June very happy. but I haven’t done that. I’ve been pointing sticks at globalization policies for corporately produced features and trying to squeeze an annotated screen shot in there because I have an aversion to just publishing things that do the job, when I could spend a day making sure the font sizes are all correct and I can crowbar in a visual to make it look like I know what I’m talking about when obviously I’m making it up, but I happen to have photoshop and a stack of pre-watershed screenshots.
a get sidetracked though. I have to revise the globalization requirements based on me forgetting what I said in the first place and then work out how that gets mangled up with the standard templates for common content across worldwide sites that will compel local business units to opt in to the platform we promised them 3 years ago but they think looks like the one that didn’t work for them before this one and anyway they’re all doing their own thing now and anyway it’s so far away I won’t be able to use that because you can’t support me in this timezone with a blackberry and a couple of matchsticks, even if you do have that guy in the UK who fixed my password once and has a nice sofa.
but then I remember I’ve forgotten to do the things with the globalization forum that would make everything spring back to life and I’ll never ever get to talk with the architect about version 6 of the navigational support technology who thinks I have no idea what happens next because that’s what I told him and anyway now I’m working from home permanently nobody knows who I am which brings me back to the point I hadn’t made yet about being here at 1:10 when I’ve still got tomorrows packed lunches to make and I haven’t filled in the forms about the trip to the fish museum in Yarmouth that will cost me 2×10 quid to let the twins touch a small eel with a pencil and buy stickers of nemo that will make a mark on their antique beds that we can’t get off, even with vinegar.
still, I got some nice duffs today and spent the afternoon looking around skate shops daring beeny hats to point at me and at my obviously 38 year old frame and mock me into a corner with some drum and bass and a stonking great spliiiif. in the end, they all just looked up and said ‘awright mate’ and got back on the moby talking to davo about the blindin’ night they ‘ad last night down at the waterfront. I skulked around looking for a tshirt that didn’t come down to my knees but gave up when one of the d00ds hoofing around behind the oakleys started taking about what to ‘torrent’ off the internet, saying he only had stills of paris hilton. you see, I was tempted you point them at a place I know in hungary where you can get all sorts of strange characters, but it’s been fixed since I last looked so I didn’t really have anything to bring to the party.
so as I crash my head against the mac keyboard that laurence gave me in time to pj harvey – which isn’t easy, especially with the blood in my eyes and it being ‘who the f*’ – I’m thinking about the day that stretches out like a pointy daggery knife and I consider whether us to uk is just as valid as us to jp or kr, because, to be honest, it’d be easier. but that’s not the point right? that’s why sarah chose finnish in 1999 and we all had had to guess what the hell was going on and how you could squeeze Koulutuspalvelut into 47 pixels. just because it’s difficult, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t commit ourselves to defining that perfect strategy and executing beyond everyone’s wildest expectations. it’s just that, well, we won’t, so I’m looking into how we might just get australia to publish a press release and then I’m hoping the rest of the world will just kind of stumble into the trap until those pesky kids pull off my ‘mr halloran the janitor dressed up as a content management werewolf’ mask and hand me over to a waiting california highway patrolman who will take me downtown where michael douglas will extract from me the gory details of that time in union square where we were so drunk we thought it would be funny to approach the ladies in the street, knowing we had to get up in the morning to demo remote mangement software.
I think I just turned shuffle off by mistake unless it true that they do all sound the same where I end and you begin. the sky is falling in etc.