Things what I writ

I sometimes write nonsense about things to try and sound clever

even more gainful

since I last extoled the virtues of an employer, I’ve mercilessly cast them aside in favour of an even more virtuous employer. that’s not to say the last one wasn’t virtuous, for it was, and I liked it, but my new and current employer held all the cards in terms of my experience, development, and personal circumstances. if I were to have written myself a perfect job description (which I often did) while I was on the 6:10 train to user experience land (London) every day (which I was), it would have looked something like this:

  • user experience consultant
  • 10 years+ experience
  • permanent
  • salary like what I had before
  • involved in strategy for growth
  • oh, and in Norwich.

that was, effectively, the holy grail of job descriptions for me. so, it was with some surprise that I was contacted by Michael at localrecruiteragency to let me know that there was a role available that was indeed exactly that job description and was I interested. needless to say, I asked where their hands were so I could bite them off immediately. once we started talking, it was obvious (to me) that this is where I should be, and thankfully, they thought I may be worth a punt, so here I am. which is nice.

you really should finish that

with a free day to yourself and adobe indesign twitching away in the corner you know you should really get to the UI specifications that have been bouncing around like the donkey in shrek trying to get your attention but then you’ve got that whole wiki organization thing to do and you did spend a while on that lovely flow diagram you made for it so how about just getting to grips with those atlassian confluence templates or wait there’s that whole documentation thing you’ve got planned out there in the pile of paper you’re trying to push towards the edge of your desk I mean you said you’d do that in september and that was like a whole different year now right?

better get a cup of tea and one of the christmas biscuits and sit down for a while. look at your desk. there must be a good hour’s worth of tidying to do there. and you haven’t hoovered in here for over a month. you know, actually, that cupboard could do with a bit of arranging I’m sure I could make better use of that space and <SLAP>.

ah. alright. can I just read my email first? I don’t think there’s an thing really important but <SLAP>.

ooh. right. the UI spec thing? now?

loyalty conversion pause tactic

me 23
me 23 by Tim Caynes

time for a break. ooh. better than I thought. I actually did collaborative teaming without punching anyone and began to understand something. we’re doing it all wrong. we need to do it different. and it starts with whatever we find out tomorrow about how we change everything to make it happen but I know for sure there’s one significant piece missing from where I’m sitting. I’ve got no idea who you are, what you want, how you want it and what I need to do to get it to you. ok, that’s four significant pieces. and there’s probably four more somewhere I’ve just forgotten about because I’ve drunk another bottle of Chantelle and Laurence’s rioja and watched Serenity and I’ve lost the will to remember stuff. I can totally see how altering our evaluation of customer requirements and aligning ourselves behind addressing those needs might move things along that ladder and into our unique zone of loyalty, but I’m not quite sure exactly what I’ll do about it when I get back to my desk on wednesday and have to design a widget for an email campaign that can’t reference external stylesheets or use javascript but I’ll probably think of something. perhaps I’ll just redirect the inbound chats to me and ask somebody directly: what’s your best imaginable supplier going to do to address your needs? go on. tell. me. I. need. to. know. I’ve thought of a couple of things myself, but really, I just made them up. blimey, that’s a big spreadsheet. Andy?