Things what I writ

I sometimes write nonsense about things to try and sound clever

oi street view

just when you think life is complete, you get what you wish for which was to captured half naked in a bedroom window wearing a viking helmet. well, not quite what you wished for but notwithstanding the attire I do have the dubious ecstatic 5 minute thrill of finding myself on street view. I mean, its not like I’m doing anything particularly interesting or am in a particularly interesting location or that I’m even throwing up on a pavement or something. no. I’m in my office. looking at the computer I’m looking at right now, hunched over like some neaderthal. and I suspect I’m actually looking at my house on street view just as the street view black opel passed by. I didn’t even notice it. the viking helmet has finally gone back to the fancy dress shop.

but I wasn’t caught once. I was caught twice. in reality, the capture of me in my office is pretty unremarkable. you can walk past my house anytime monday to friday and see me there and take your own high resolution shot if you really want to. I’ll put the helmet on if you ask in advance. that shot must have been taken in the morning, because I’m pretty sure I went out that afternoon to do a bit of, um, ‘shopping’. honestly, after I’d had a look around the market and taken some pictures of some abandoned office blocks somewhere, I just happened to pop in to a shop that looked like it sold magazines and stuff. I thought I might pick up the evening news and check out some letters about war memorials and the number 21, but as it turned out, it sold rather different publications. honestly, I was just leaving.

waiting for google street view

I know its in our town. everybody’s seen it. except me. and this is becoming a problem. there’s only so long I can stand naked in the office window waiting for it to come by. if it doesn’t come down my street today, I’ll have to take the norse helmet back to the fancy dress shop and take a shower. the full size photo of me that I made with the rasterbator just isn’t the same thing. I mean, it might look like me, but I won’t, in all honesty, be able to point to it in google maps and say ‘look! that’s me! yeah, it’s a norse helmet!’.

I expect the best I can hope for is that it captures a pavement cyclist as it careens past my gate or someone lobbing an empty bottle of corona into the front garden. maybe there’ll be, oh, hang on, is that a black opel? where my helmet? dammit.