Things what I writ

I sometimes write nonsense about things to try and sound clever

facebook: you spammer you is

oops. I appear to have triggered the magic number of posted items on facebook. I am now officially a spammer. I had the temerity to post 100 items I had created myself to my own profile, thereby inflicting misery and pain upon all those 73 people who I paid large sums of money to to agree to be my bestest friends ever on the internet. most of them haven’t logged in since 2007, but I apologise unreservedly for ruining their lives forever.

I was, in fact, only warned that I was probably a spammer, not categorically accused of it as such, but, I was warned with a big red popup screen which said something like “OI! SPAMMER! HOW DARE YOU!”, notwithstading the fact that I politely decline about a zillion requests a day to add applications to my profile that allows anyone in the known world to look at my particulars and send videos of dogs wearing underwear to my email and then tricks me into sending it to the united nations when I thought I was just moving along.

I wonder what the threshold is for actually being blocked from posting my own stuff to my own profile, for that was the threatened next action therein contained in the insidious red box. “DO THAT ANYMORE AND WE’LL CUT YER BALLS OFF”, or something like that. they don’t actually tell you what the threshold is in the faq section specially prepared for spammers, that you’re forwarded to, like a ‘private interview room’ at the airport reserved for ‘people with beards’ who ‘talk funny’. they just let you know that if you carry on, you deserve it. which I suppose I do. how dare I.

facebook stealth ads

dammit. I thought they’d turned off that facebook feature that knows everything about you. I mean, its not even as if I’ve frequented any dodgy online salons recently enquiring about their superior lines of treatment products. I’ve not even googled ‘alopecia’ recently (although I just did to see how you spell it). so how does facebook know that those two magic words might mean something to me?

‘hair loss’. there it is, in the left nav. complete with a baldy slaphead photo, just in case you don’t get it. I might even have been tempted if the tagline didn’t sound like the hair loss cream in question came from the same reputable source who provides me with multiple emails about getting pills ‘for you satisfy lady!’.

as they probably say on university avenue, all your demographic are belong to us. and I opted in. slap! slap! slap! I’m waiting for the full rotation of ads to determine just how well they’ve identified my needs. I’m expecting some kind of weight loss pills and at least a couple of instant debt clearance offers to pass by.