Things what I writ

I sometimes write nonsense about things to try and sound clever

hanging inches from a pie

guess who’s coming? it’s not physically possible but it’ll keep me going for at least couple of weeks. look over there. the bit at the front is just horrible. never mind. back on track and back to the box. cough. excuse me madam

it was so nice I just had to slip out for an hour and lurk around the bus stop trying to find tattoos, which was easy, but the sun was in the wrong place so they all looked like I’d masked them out on purpose, which they deserved, but it doesn’t make my book bigger. there’s a son for sale next door. he’s been up before but the angels spake and he hid under the carpet of spiritualism until 760044.

wah wah. hat. fast pace. see you down the pub. I never knew it was so big. of course, there it is. you know those people who decide to wear drainpipes on their stick-thin legs and cap their feet with converse? that’s you that is.

it was a lovely day for a wedding but that car was just stupid. there you go, tottering into the workshop with your brick and bangles. and you’re driving too fast. inexplicably everything stopped for moment and a red fiesta with a cherry on top reversed into the resident’s parking spot and out popped the biggest hair in christendom but she looked nice, not like that lot. ah, I see you got one of those ‘this is not a bag’ bags. stick it on ebay. ooh, your hair’s not as big as I thought. it must have been windy.

get me some dexys

me 26
me 26 by Tim Caynes

not tonight I can’t be bothered the kids are away for half term and Ive grown a beard look I recorded the big weekend and it’s just got to bloc party what am I gonna do its 8 o’clock it’ll take me 20 minutes to walk down there but its not raining I suppose I’ll get back and do that stuff later the sheets are probably dry now I won’t be staying up that late again but does june 1st mean 00:00 june 1st or sometime around lunchtime. hang on, steam is in the US. that means about 3 o’clock. I’ll have to do work instead

tonight is the thing that last year was sh*tdisco datarock and the klaxons but this time it isn’t but everybody is having a nice time anyway. the little ones are like a mexican street band is it just me? pull tiger tail have one of those thin blokes who remind you of yourself 20 years ago but better so they’re good but I don’t recognize anything and I’m thinking actually he reminds me of the bloke from the klaxons and then the rumble strips come on and do a cover of an entire dexy’s midnight runners gig which is borderline norwich sound of the 80s and if they were fatter they could be serious drinking screen 3 and someone else all rolled into one but with a good voice like they all seem to have these days don’t anyone just shout like what they used to fair collection of two-toners and stoners where do they come from mind you it’s a cheap night out I just worked that out and here I am pint of stella.

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