i run on vegetable oil

blakeney 3
blakeney 3. by Tim Caynes

he’s a handyman. a handy man. lookit. his white van is converted. you know it’s all a myth, right? I mean, there’s so much money in inconvenient truths that if I so much as put one more bar on the fire entire thinktanks in south london will have to stack shelves in Tesco. see the irony? I’m scared though. I might drag a carbon box around by a piece of string, but it’s all my fault. I should have stopped driving to work but now it’s all too late and it’s my children that are gonna pay so just give us a fiver and we’ll plant a tree for you. I love airlines. they don’t care really. they know it’s all rubbish but who’s gonna fly if they don’t put their enormous cardboard boxes in the recycling? I am. and I’m going to dump my old fridge in your back garden. 17 plugs in the office. that should do for at least a decade. sorry kids! gotta finish this presentation! I’ll be back next week! mwwuuhahahaaa.

it is warm though. the sun’s gone mad just as I lose my hair. SO THAT’S MUCH MORE IMPORTANT. I don’t have time to wrap that up in newspaper, come on, give it here, just chuck it in the bin. footprints? it’s supposed to be like this. who are you to tell me it’s all gone mad? it’s supposed to. it happens all the time, it’s just that you weren’t there last time. I was. I was a camel.


Make somebody else read this